Akatsuki Antics
by TitanWolf
Summary: everyones favorite group of villains in awkward and hilarious positions, and outings.
1. The Gang Goes To The Aquarium

**Akatsuki Antics**

**Chapter 1**

**DISCLAIMER I OWN NOTHING BUT OC'S**

"Tell me Sasori," Deidara said, looking around at the large tanks with exotic fish swimming around with apprehension. "Why did all of us come here?"

The puppet master turned to his blond haired companion and gave him a 'are you retarded?' look.

"Have you forgotten already Deidara?" Sasori asked, mockingly. "Pain wants to build company morale, so every month one of us picks an outing destination for us to visit."

"Yeah…. But," he stammered. "Why an aquarium in Baltimore?"

"Kisame picked this time," Sasori replied. "Besides, its better than last months, remember the hotdog factory?"

Deidara shuddered as the memory of the sounds and sights of pigs, cows, and the occasional rat or coach roach were killed, mashed up, and made into meat products. Tobi's enthusiasm at the whole process was disturbing, of course, he picked the damned place. He scowled as he remembered at the end the staff had hotdogs waiting to be eaten. His stomach lurched as Tobi grabbed one and shoved it in his face.

"Here Deidara," he said, holding out the hotdog, and wiggling it back and forth. "Its fresh….. You know you want to eat it in one bite!"

He passed, to his surprise, Tobi lifted his mask slightly, and shoveled the hotdog into his mouth at once.

"Remind me to tell Pain. That Tobi doesn't get to pick our trips anymore," Deidara said, looking towards Sasori, and finding him gone. "Where the hell did he go?"

Looking back, he almost jumped out of his skin as he found Tobi inches away from him.

"Tobi what the-" he was interrupted by the masked man grabbing his arm, and pulling him along at breakneck speed, sending innocent bystanders flying in all directions.

"You have to see this Deidara!" Tobi said, as he shoved an old lady with a walker aside, sending her flying up in the air, and over into the shark tank. Deidara thought he saw the water turn red, but; he didn't get a second look as he slammed into Tobi, who had stopped suddenly. "Look!"

Looking to where the younger man was pointing, he saw Kisame leaning up against a tank, talking to an octopus.

"You know I don't normally date outside my species but; I think you got the best legs I ever seen," he said, as the octopus blinked, not sure what to make of the blue man leaning against the glass, and decided not to say anything. "So I was thinking, how about you and me get together sometime and bump-"

"Kisame" Itachi said, interrupting his partner. "We're going to get lunch, come on."

"Coming!" he said, before looking back to the octopus, and putting his hand beside his head like a phone. "Call me."

As the four Akatsuki members walked past a large tank holding several massive great white sharks, a look of fright came over his face. Grabbing at Deidara's robe, he pulled it off and covered his head, and didn't remove it until they were well past the sharks.

"What was that all about?" Tobi asked, as Deidara yanked his robe away from Kisame's head, and slipped it back on.

"A few of my poorer relatives," Kisame said. "I don't want to talk about it."

As they rode the escalators down to the food court, the carnage that greeted them was unbelievable, as Hidan was in his cursed state, and stabbing himself repeatedly, while people were dropping in droves, and Kakuzu, was taking the wallets from the corpses.

"Heathens! You will burn before lord Jashin!" Hidan roared psychotically. "Kakuzu stop stealing from the corpses! That's a sin!"

"Pipe down Hidan," he replied. "We all have our vices, I just happen to love money."

"For someone who loves money you sure don't spend any you cheapskate," Hidan replied.

Kakuzu looked up at Hidan and glared.

"Well at least I don't waste my money on manicures and cheap hair gel!" Kakuzu retorted, Hidan gasped, turning back to normal.

"You take that back!" he exclaimed, pointing at the greedy zombie, the light glinted off of his well manicured fingernail. "At least I still have my fingernails!"

"What did you say!" Kakuzu roared.

"You don't have your fingernails!"

"I can't believe you said that!"

"How can you hear it?" he asked. "You don't have your ears! Your just a bunch of dead people stitched together, Frankenstein!"

"Say that again, I dare you!"

"Frankenstein! Frankenstein! Frankenstein-" he was cut off by Kakuzu's fist slamming into his nose. The two were quickly reduced to an all out fight. The four watched this in silence until the fight was stopped by a wave of paper falling from the ceiling, revealing Konan, who floated to the ground.

"What are you idiots doing?" she bellowed. "Lord Pain has ordered you to….."

Looking around, Konan noticed the fish tanks all around them, and turned deathly pale.

"Water…. Water… Water!" she screamed, before feinting, causing the other members to look at her, severely confused.

"Did you know she was hydrophobic?" Deidara asked Itachi, who shook his head.

"No, did you Kisame?"

"Nope."

"She has rabies?" Tobi asked.

"No you moron," Deidara said. "She's afraid of water."

Itachi walked over, and effortlessly threw Konan over his shoulder.

"Come on," he said. "Lets go back to the base."

"Hold on!" Tobi said, before sprinting for the food court. "I wanna get some hotdogs for the road!"

Deidara felt his stomach sink.

**END CHAPTER 1**


	2. The One With The Fair

**Akatsuki Antics**

**Chapter 2**

**DISCLAIMER I OWN NOTHING!**

The sights and sounds of the fair filled the air. Itachi looked around with a blank expression, why would Kakuzu pick a fair? It didn't make any sense at all. Itachi expected him to pick a tour of fort Knox. But this… he saw the greedy zombie trying his hand at one of the carnival games.

"Blasted clown! I will pop your balloon head with water!" he cursed, as Itachi tapped him on the shoulder. "Go away! I'm trying to win a fuzzy piggy bank!"

"Why did you pick this place?" Itachi asked. "It doesn't suit you."

"I didn't pick it," he replied. "Tobi did."

This caused Itachi's eyes to widen in surprise.

"What?" he asked. "How? It was your turn."

"He paid me to have my turn," Kakuzu said. "You know how much I love money."

Turning away, Itachi scanned the mass of people for any sign of the masked man. He sighed softly, he didn't have a choice.

"Mangekyo Sharingan," he said, activating his eyes. Immediately all the people fell to their knees and began screaming. "Lets see how 72 hours of Barney sits with them."

Walking through the suffering mob, he finally saw Tobi squatting beside a pen, with Deidara standing behind him, looking as if he was going to throw up. When he got closer, Itachi saw they were looking at the biggest pig at the fair.

"Ooh look at him," Tobi said, as he stuck his hand through the fence to pet the pigs head. "Think of all the hotdogs we could get out of him Deidara! Lets take him on a tour of the hotdog factory after this!"

"I don't think he'd enjoy that Tobi," Deidara replied.

"Who said anything about him enjoying it?" Tobi asked. "I'll enjoy it for me and him both."

"What are you two doing?" Itachi asked, as he looked around. "Where's Sasori?"

"Last time we saw him he was headed for the arts and crafts stands," Deidara replied. "I refused to go with him."

"Deidara's scared he'll find art there better than his," Tobi added. "He refuses to accept that his art might be a rip-"

"Tobi!" Deidara said, his voice full of anger. "You're dead!"

Tobi took off running with Deidara in hot pursuit, he ducked and dodged the bombs thrown by the blond. Itachi sighed loudly and followed after them.

Sasori looked at the stand with a look of extreme horror. Everywhere, puppets dressed in retarded outfits, or painted with creepy smiles.

"Puppet atrocities!" he screamed, as the weapons built into his body popped out. He began slashing and cutting at all the people within reach. "I'll show you not to make a mockery of puppets!"

As Sasori came towards a little boy, he grabbed a nearby puppet as well as a knife, and held it to the puppet's throat.

"Stop or I'll kill it!" he shouted.

"Go ahead," Sasori said. "That's a yellow puppet!"

"Your racist!" the boy exclaimed.

"All puppets are racist!" Sasori roared, before slicing the boy completely in half vertically.

Itachi watched this in silence, before being joined by Deidara and Kakuzu.

"We can't go anywhere without killing people can we?" Deidara asked.

"No, apparently we can't," Kakuzu said. "Should we head back?"

"That would be best," Itachi replied. "Where's Tobi?"

To answer to his question, Tobi came walking by, leading a line of pigs tethered together.

"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up later," he said. "Come on, your all getting a special treat, a trip to the hotdog factory!"

**END CHAPTER 2**


End file.
